I know you’ve all been wondering. Thinking. Asking, “Hey, where the hell has the HeManimal been?” Well, I have some bad news for you, my friends, I’ve been holed up sick in the hospital for the past week. But don’t worry, I’m better now, and to all the girls out there, be comforted in knowing there’s nothing wrong with the equipment. Yup, I’m getting better everyday thanks to two quotes from Charles Dickens I ran through my head during my toughest hours, “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” And, “There sure are a lot of hot nurses and dirty sluts at the hospital.”
When sick, or down, or not feeling your best, it is important to revert to your core beliefs and desires to remind yourself of why you are that spectacular person that is made to succeed in this world. For me it’s a pretty long and diverse list, but the carnivorous sexual pleasures are definitely near the top. So when I was admitted to the hospital, I was very happy to be attended to by hot sexual nurses who insisted on massaging my feet, showing me gentle, tender care, and flirting endlessly. Yes, the Florence Nightingale effect is one of the greatest turn ons for a man.
There’s nothing hotter than a sexy nurse looking after you when you’re sick and I was lucky enough to have a lot of hot nurses look after me. But let’s face it, nurses aren’t gonna have sex with you in the hospital. I wish they would, and I’ve made all the appropriate advances to make it happen, but I got rejected, more than once. They just aren’t into potentially sacrificing their carreers by fucking sick dudes. And maybe that’s a good thing.
But don’t worry. Nurses aren’t the only hot chicks in the hospital, they’re the hottest chicks in the hospital, but there are others, namely, the sick dirty sluts. They may not be the classiest chicks, but, most importantly, they’re willing to fuck.
I had one such encounter with a hot piece of ass who was just wild. Maybe too wild for me in my condition, but I’ve never let any condition get in the way of an unusual sexual encounter (keep in mind this is all 100% true). The main problem we had was that it’s tough to find privacy in a hospital. That curtain that hides your bed doesn’t hide it so well in a room of 4 if you’re rocking back and forth with a chick on your tip. I don’t have to tell you silent sex is never as good as loud sex. And it’s not sexy to have one of the non hot nurses walk in on you during. Yes, it really happened, my friends. One of the instant inside deboners.
For our next sexual misadventure, we took a bath. Unfortunately a hospital tub isn’t as roomy as those great sexy tubs you see in those women’s leg shaving commercials. No, hospital tubs are all constricted with those handicap bars getting in the way. And hospital bathrooms don’t have those condom dispensers you think you’ll never need but one day you just might need. But we made due. We squirmed, splashed, made waves. Oh yeah, we had some super uncomfortable uninterrupted hospital sex.
There is a bad side to the hospital sex, for instance sick chicks are needy chicks. And when you’re stuck to a bed for most the day it can be tough to evade them. But do as I do. Tell her you need some rest and alone time, be adamant. Demand your space. Be an asshole, without feeling guilty about it, if necessary. And pay no attention to her guilt gun. She’ll try and shoot you with it but you’re builtproof. You’re there to look after yourself. To get healthy. You have no time for anybody else’s emotional baggage unless it is self serving. This is not being selfish, but selfull. Because you can’t look after anyone if you can’t look after yourself first. Learn this. Live this. Enjoy your sick sex. And get well soon.